Part of my goal is to help people feel empowered-- to take responsibility for their own life, and their own well-being. I believe it is through this more solid foundation, and healthy self-esteem, that we will make better choices in our lives on many levels. When we feel good about ourselves, we are apt to take better care of ourselves, and vice versa. Now, it may seem like a bit of an oxymoron, to have someone ELSE show you how to be "Self-Empowered". So, what I would actually like to do is give you some ideas, and some experiences from my own journey.

Below I have Listed Some Suggestions for Self Empowerment 

LEARN
SOLITUDE
LIVE ALONE
GET LOST
Tune into your INTUITION, and TRUST it!!!
Take a SELF-DEFENSE CLASS
Go SKYDIVING!!
Go KAYAKING!
Swim with the DOLPHINS!
OUTWARD BOUND!!
DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!!!
Try Voice Projection Lessons/Acting Lessons/Public Speaking
Hire a PROFESSIONAL COACH
SET INTENTIONS
Start a GRATITUDE journal...
DON'T COMPARE
LOVE / ACCEPT YOURSELF
Create a Life Grid"
LIVE FOR YOURSELF
CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE
PHYSICAL ACTIVITY and NUTRITION
Nutrition--again, "balance" is the key
AWARENESS AND BALANCE
Get a TATTOO!
Have a Professional Portrait taken
Candid Photos
Have and maintain IDEALS
Connect to a Higher Power
Don't Fear Death
Get rid of guilt, shame, doubt, blame, resentment...
Forgiveness
Creative Life Writing
Explore other cultures and religions.
Make conscious choices.
Volunteer Your Time
Honor others by showing compassion and respect.

 You can use some of those I have included, discard those that don't suit you, and come up with a list of your own. My suggestion is to sit down somewhere in Nature, and think back to when you were a kid. What were your dreams? What did you want to do? Who did you want to be? Where did you want to go? What stopped you? When did your dreams start to fade? I realized recently that one of the things that I absolutely LOVED doing as a kid was "scaling" the front and back
porches of my childhood home. Basically, like rock-climbing. I had tried rock-climbing a few times before I made that connection. I LOVED the real thing!

Why is self-empowerment so important to me? In many ways I truly feel that my life didn't fully begin until I turned 28. I believe that I have lived more fully and have
accomplished so much more in the last few years than in the previous 28. I learned a lot and had quite a few experiences then, too. But that year...I think the magic started to come back into my life.Now, I look forward to my years to come, because I know in my heart that each year just gets better and better. That year, I began reading a book called "A Year To Live", by Stephen Levine. Actually, I still haven't finished it...(as I am always in the middle of about 8 books at once!) But the premise of the book is, "If you found out today that you had one year left to
live, how would you live it?" And that most people tend to regret what they HAVEN'T done, rather than what they HAVE done...and many people, once they get past the initial stages of shock, anger and fear...usually start to live their remaining time more fully. They do those things they always wanted to, they realize what is TRULY important in their lives, (do you think anyone on their deathbed ever said, "I wish I would have worked more"?) They tell those they care about exactly what they mean to them.

Then I saw an exercise that said something like "How many Saturdays do you have left? . Figure out what age you think you would like to reach, go fairly high!
Then get 2 big jars, and a bunch of marbles or pennies...enough for each "Saturday" in the remaining years that you reach, put them all in one jar. Every
Saturday that passes, take one from the filled jar, and place
it in the empty one...and you will begin to understand how precious your time really is, and how fleeting. Too fleeting to waste on not living the life you were meant to be living.

I have also met so many people that live their lives for someone else, rather than for themselves. While I DO believe that we should be considerate of others' feelings, I DON'T believe that we should sacrifice ourselves or our dreams in order to live our lives as someone else sees fit. YOU are the only person who is with you, all of the time, from the time you are born until the time you leave this place.

So many people stay in careers because it is the "family trade" when they long to do something else. So many stay stuck in a religion that doesn't call to their heart or that they are uncomfortable with because they would be "disowned" if they went another way. I have known many people (including myself) who have stayed in relationships or even friendships, for many "wrong" reasons to the point that they lost themselves. Something I read once really stands out in my head. It was in a book by Wayne Dyer. "When you stay in a relationship out of obligation, then you are a slave, and it lacks dignity." I believe it lacks dignity for the person who no longer wants to stay, and, I don't know about you...but I would really not want someone to stay with me in any relationship, or friendship, only out of "obligation". When this happens, the person isn't "really there". You may have the shell of the person, but not the true person. I think there are many ways that we disempower ourselves.

So, after even just reading the title and premise of that book, I made my list of all of the things that I've always wanted to do, that I was letting fear or "circumstances" stop me from doing. Skydiving, Outward Bound, a trip to the islands, self-defense classes, teaching, learning to truly enjoy moments of solitude, more independence, to step out of my shyness and not be as quiet all of the time...and much more. I have also added to my list over the years. (We are constantly evolving!)

I decided I wanted to stop letting fear rule my life.  Just Do It! Don't get me wrong...I still have much to learn and experience, many fears to work through. The point is, I have a desire to jump those hurdles, and not let them block my path. Turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones, and any other similar cliches! Am I"m always successful? No Way!!! Honestly...I was more afraid of speaking in front of
40 people during my second Outward Bound excursion, then of the possibility of falling off a cliff! But I did it, because I knew I wanted to teach and I needed
to be able to do it. I told them all that I was afraid, and WHY I did it. When we all said our good-byes, at least 20 people came up to me and said that I had inspired them! I have had more anxiety about having important conversations with those close to me than from jumping out of a plane! Rather than chastise myself for that,
I try to think of what I HAVE done, and what I intend to do. Even now, when I teach or give a lecture in front of a new group I get nervous. So, I state that fact up front, and it dissipates almost immediately! Again, there are many other situations still that I haven't been able to do that yet. But, it's all a journey. With each step we grow. When the road splits we need to make a decision. And when we make that decision based on trust and intuition, rather than our fears...we grow even more. We become Self-Empowered.

Many of the suggestions I have included are relatively simple. But remember, simple doesn't necessarily mean easy. Some are simple writing tasks or spending time alone, but they can be even more profound than a trip around the world!

Good Luck on your Journey! And if you have any suggestions of your own to add to my list, please send them along!

Learn, Solitude, Live alone, Get Lost, Tune into Your Intuition, Self-Defense Class, Skydiving, Kayaking, Swim With Dolphins, Take a Trip, Outward Bound, Posture, Voice Projection/Acting Lessons/Public Speaking, Professional Coach, Set Intentions, Gratitude Journal,

Create a "Life Grid", Live For Yourself, Change Your Attitude, Physical Activity & Nutrition, Awareness & Balance, Get a Tattoo, Professional Portrait, Candid Photos, Have and Maintain Ideals, Connect to a Higher Power, Don't Fear Death, Get rid of [Useless Emotions], Forgiveness, Express Yourself, Creative Life Writing, Explore Other Cultures/Religions, Make Conscious Choices, Volunteer, Compassion and Respect

~LEARN--Learn something you have always wanted to know more about. Read, listen to books on tape, take a class/workshop/seminar. Whatever it is you want to learn about or do...a belly dance class, car or house
maintenance, gardening, martial arts, cooking, nutrition, anatomy...anything!

~SOLITUDE--If you are not comfortable being alone with yourself, or realizing that you are your own best friend...Learn to do things in Solitude. For some, it is more of a matter of being able to take the TIME for solitude, rather than the comfort level! Alone and lonely are not the same thing. Have you ever seen a child playing by himself? Children are so engaged in their activity they usually don't even
think to be lonely! Possible places to try at first, are going to the beach, the park, a movie, lunch or dinner (this can feel particularly awkward at first, especially if you
don't have reading material with you. Go somewhere that you can "people watch"), museum, etc. I remember the first time I went to the mall alone as a teenager; I hated it. Then I worked there for 2 years, and it wasn't so bad. Of course, keep a healthy balance of alone time and social gathering.

~LIVE ALONE--I believe everyone should experience living alone for at least a year, especially if you always thought you would never be able to do it (for financial reasons, OR the fear of being alone).

~GET LOST!--Purposely drive yourself around and get lost, and find your way back home. I learned this from a friend's mom years ago, and it inspired me to do it. For me, as long as I can find a major road, I know I can get back home. Before that, I was afraid to go anywhere new by myself, and it was pretty crippling...You know what? Because of those "trips" I was able to find may back on a few times I really DID get lost in a similar area! (Side note: Please use common sense and caution!)


~Tune into your INTUITION, and TRUST it!!!
So often we don't go with our first, or "gut" reaction. Usually when we don't listen, we wished we would have...I truly believe my intuition has actually saved my life on countless occasions, even at a young age. At the very least it pointed me in the right direction, or helped me avoid the "wrong" direction! Whether it was to avoid getting involved with certain people, jobs or situations, or to notice that certain
"connection" with someone who would end up being a wonderful friend.

~Take a SELF-DEFENSE CLASS.
My first recommendation is KRAV MAGA. This form is demonstrated in the movie "Enough" with Jennifer Lopez. My first experience with it, I had NO idea what I was getting myself into! I looked it up in spring of 2003 and happened to find a large seminar being held in Philadelphia by some of the leading instructors in the world. I signed up for the WHOLE WEEKEND. 8 hours each day! It was very intense. (I almost couldn't move the second morning! And neither could half of the other students!) I would definitely recommend only doing the regular hour or so long class at first! Krav Maga is an Israeli form of self-defense that was designed to be mastered very quickly, using your intuitive responses. I can be very brutal. And it is certainly not just for women. That seminar had at least 200 participants, and only 10-20% were female. I invited the host of the seminar, www.KravMagaPa.com to teach a seminar for my students and friends at the
massage school, and everyone LOVED it! We learned A LOT in just a few hours. I also try to get to the class in Newtown, Pa at least once a month. All of
the instructors and more advanced students are extremely patient and helpful, as well as very skilled and knowledgeable. If you are not from the Philadelphia/Bucks County area, go to www.kravmaga.com.

~Go SKYDIVING!! <See Photos>
This was my 29th birthday present to myself. It was absolutely incredible! I did the "Tandem Jump", which means I had the instructor strapped to my back, so I wouldn't let myself get out of it! Just being in the atmosphere of all those people was pretty amazing. Everyone wanted to be there; those who worked there, those jumping, and the spectators. Everything was explained along the way. If for some
reason I forgot to pull the cord to open the parachute, the instructor would be doing it. He said there was something pretty ~Empowering~ about "saving your own life"! He also suggested that I really be aware of the experience, since I was having it videotaped, I would tend to only remember the reality of the video, and not the real experience... The Experience~ Oh my gosh! Wonderful! Yes, I was pretty scared, and when I looked out the door of the plane I would have retreated if it weren t for the instructor. He said I'd have to smile really big or my cheeks would flap too much for the video! We wore goggles. He said to remember to BREATHE. That I would think I couldn't breathe, but in actuality I would
just forget. (I did.) Then we jumped! It didn't feel like falling, more like floating...really fast! The photographer jumped with us, and we did the "Mighty Mouse" and "Superman" poses, and peace signs...and yes, I forgot to pull the cord! He tapped me a few times and then I realized it was time...I pulled the cord and we halted a bit when the parachute engaged. Then it was just happy floating, enjoying the scenery. I couldn't figure out why my face felt wet...then I realized...I had been drooling! TOO FUNNY! Then we came in for the landing, the photographer was taping that as well. I had to pick my legs up out of the way so as not to get them tangled with his. Watching thevideo I realized I had squealed with delight like a 4-year old blowing out all the candles on her birthday cake! Then they asked me...what is the one word you would use to describe your experience? No doubt..."FREE". Totally and completely FREE. Was there anything I didn't like about it? It hurt my ears, kind of like a magnified popping from being on a plane. Would I do it again? Possibly. But I think I may want to try hang gliding first....with an instructor, of course! But maybe for my 50th
birthday!

~Go KAYAKING!--
Many places have a "Kayak Clinic". That's what I did. Honestly, I was more afraid of kayaking than skydiving...I forgot a useful piece of information until I capsized the first 2 times...I don't know how to SWIM!!!! I doggie paddle only (Okay, I can't always be credited with being the brightest crayon in the box!) Not a huge worry, the first thing you are taught is how to evacuate the boat. And they demonstrate that you have more time than you think. And of course the instructors know how to swim, and they will rescue you. You can also learn the "Eskimo roll" to turn the boat back over. Well, I was scared senseless! But, I wanted to finish. It was fun, but I will wait until I learn how to swim to do that again!

~Swim with the DOLPHINS! <See Photo>
I know, I know, I know! Yes, I did this AFTER that incident! It was in a controlled pool though. That was absolutely amazing. I had heard it was an exceptionally spiritual experience, and when I looked into his eyes (my dolphin's name was "Chubby")...there was more wisdom than I have ever seen before! I lost my nerve for a second, and wasn't able to "jump on", and he turned around and looked at me as if to say "watcha waitin' for?!" It was just an amazing experience. When I learn how to swim, my next step is to do it in the wild.
Special Note: I am generally against exploitation of animals. I don't go to zoos, or a circus with animal acts, horse carriage rides, etc. I researched the place I went to; to be sure the dolphins were properly cared for. If you or the dolphin is sick, you cannot go into the pool. Also, under the circumstances, they were better off in captivity. I urge anyone to please research any activity that may include animals to
ensure that they are not harmed in any way.

~TAKE A TRIP!
Actually, I took my first trip alone when I graduated from massage school to a seminar in Maryland. Only, back then I was too afraid to leave my hotel room except to go to the seminar. I found out years later about Assateague Island (with the wild ponies on the beach!) and that it was only 20 minutes away from
where I was staying!

A few years later, on a trip to see my sister in Florida, I sat next to a lovely older woman and her husband on the plane. She was telling me about all the places they have gone. I said that I wished I could go to all of those places. Her response was--"Don't wait until you have the money to go. Book the trip, and you will FIND a way to have the money!" I extend this philosophy also to the other excuses that I had made for not traveling. whatever it was that I was "waiting" for... I also used it for education, buying a car, or anything else...once you trust that the money will be there, it will be there.

The year that I turned 28, I decided that I really wanted to go to Jamaica. (See Photos) Although, I had no one to go with. I decided if I didn't go alone, I wouldn't go. So I booked the trip to an all-inclusive resort. I figured I would feel safer that way. And I only did 3 nights, in case I wasn't really ready for it. Well, I was only alone for about an hour! Someone invited me into their group. It was SO NICE! I could spend whatever time I wanted to alone and enjoying everything the resort had to offer...trapeze lessons, parasailing, massage, beach...and still had a group to have dinner with, watch the shows, and was even invited to someone's wedding! The biggest thing I got from that trip was that since I was alone...I needed to SPEAK UP to people I didn't know. When you go on vacation with someone, you rely on talking to them. (You also have to worry about conflicts with
your schedules, and agendas, etc...!) Anyway, when I returned from the trip, EVERYONE noticed a huge difference in me! And because I wasn't as afraid to
speak up I let it be known that I would like to teach at my job, become part of the education team, then a teacher at their massage school! Of course, there is
the ripple effect too. One event leads to another and another, until you don't make the connection anymore to the original event. I met some wonderful, inspirational people along this path, and I learned so much about myself and my chosen field. And who knows what the original catalyst was...the lady on the plane? The trip to Jamaica? Maybe something long before that! Special Note: Please use caution and common sense. I made sure to bring door stoppers for my suite, and I never wandered off the grounds, except to go with a group on an outing. Be sure to learn about the area before you decide to visit. If you re not ready for an overnight trip, try a day trip.

~OUTWARD BOUND!! <See Photos> www.outwardbound.com

DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!!!
I grew tremendously from these 2 experiences. I read about it in a fitness magazine when I was about 18, and wanted to do it, but "just never did". So, once again, when I was 28 I looked into it, got the information and booked the trip for 4 days to North Carolina! (They are available across the country, and around the world). The main premise is self-discovery, teamwork, overcoming fears...I was able to liken many of the "lessons" we were taught on the hike to "lessons" in life. You can choose from 4 days to 3-month semesters. There are various ages, fitness levels and activities--hiking, biking, rock climbing, rapelling, mountaineering, camping, kayaking, river rafting, etc. I loved it so much that I did it again the following year in Colorado! (No kayaking for me! But I DID do the river rafting!) You feel very empowered when you realize you can hike--not knowing what time it is--at midnight, in the rain, with 50-70 lbs on your back! You also get "solo" time. My first trip was just one hour. The second was 24 hours. My biggest fear was the possibility of waking up next to a skunk! Instead...I woke up to a doe standing about 10 feet away from me! (BTW, there are no tents, only open tarps!)(I also got to see a shooting star!)

*You know what I learned more than anything on these trips? That I am more afraid of things that can't actually hurt me, than those that can! AND, most of those fears are self-imposed, or self perceived at what "might" happen...and most likely won't happen.

~POSTURE <See Photos & FAQ's>
I'm serious! Our posture says a lot about us, andtruly affects our moods. Think of a typical depressed stance...shoulders hunched, frown, looking at the ground, possible hips tilting back...feel lethargic yet? Now, not that you are going to walk around this way, but look up at the sky, arms in the air, hips level,
smile...feel rejuvenated?

Now, we don't have to go to charm school and balance heavy books on our heads...just be aware of your usual posture. Ideally, from the side view, there should be a straight line-- your ear should be over your shoulder, shoulder over hip, hip over knee, knee over ankle. Start people watching. You will be AMAZED at how many people have a "forward head posture". The head weighs between 8-12 lbs. Imagine holding a bowling ball out to the side of your body just a few inches and how tired the muscles would be! So there are definitely physical detriments to poor posture. Adding MOVEMENT (biomechanics) to poor posture is worse still. But, "proper" posture has the ability to put you in a better mood, and feeling much more confident! My friends laugh; they say that they are much more aware of their posture when they are around me!! When you stand, hold your head up, but don't be too stiff. Shoulders level and not hunched forward, but also not jutting back all the way either. Keep hips level. If you need to, you can try to walk a few minutes each day with your hands clasped behind your back; this forces your shoulders to be straight, and your head to be level. By standing and walking in this fashion, you can create profound positive changes in your body and psyche. You will look and feel taller, and slimmer. You will feel like you have more energy as well!

~Try Voice Projection Lessons/Acting Lessons/Public Speaking
My boss at the massage school was absolutely wonderful. My main challenge for teaching was being too soft spoken for the students to hear me, so she connected me with an acting instructor (an absolutely lovely lady!) who taught me how to project my voice. I was afraid that if I became louder, I would get a more "nasal" quality to my voice. We made it so that didn't happen. She taught me breathing exercises, exercises to strengthen my vocal cords, and all kinds of cool stuff! BUT, the main thing I learned in some of the exercises...is that when I have FUN with what I am doing and what I am teaching, I am able to project my voice better. (Thanks Gail!) So, what I decided was that since I am a bit of a goofball anyway, I let it come out more often then I used to, and around more people. For my students it was great because it is less intimidating for them. Also it was mainly night classes, so we needed to have a way to stay awake! I also shared the exercises with them, especially because there were quite a few who wanted to overcome THEIR shyness! Here s a fun one to try. Singing really loud (and badly) in the car! Or, try screaming loud in the car. I always make sure no one is looking...but whatever floats your boat! Acting lessons also help you to challenge your perceptions, and to step out of your box . Check out your local Toastmasters to hone your public speaking skills, and to learn how to overcome your nervousness with it.

~Hire a PROFESSIONAL COACH <See Photos>  www.adventurecoach.com
Then, as the ripple effect would have it, my voicer coach connected me to a Professional Coach to help me get my business started. Adventure Coach, Pat Osborne. Incredible, wonderful lady! It was mainly phone sessions and emails, and I have taken a few of her mini day-retreats. Talking with her feels more like a visit with an old friend, who is very knowledgable and extremely encouraging. There are many coaches out there, and you need to be comfortable with the person you choose. Patt brings her love for adventure (hence the name!), the outdoors, and just overall zest for life into each session! You can learn more about her and sign up for her free E-newsletter at the above web address.

~SET INTENTIONS(in writing!)
See more below under "Gratitude" Also, see article "Creating Our Reality  So, what are YOUR intentions? What is it that you want to draw into your life? Positive or negative influences? Abundance or poverty? Love or loneliness? Sickness and dis-ease in the body, or more vibrant health? What we think about, we attract. So we must choose our thoughts and words wisely. So often, and much of that time its unconscious, we think of all the negative things that have or could happen. When we do that, we draw more of that to us. A simple way to notice our thoughts is to write them down. Do be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it! Also, be open to how it may manifest. An analogy that I like to use is if you send in a request at the restaurant, you "know" you are going to get your order. Sometimes it takes a little longer that expected, sometimes sooner, sometimes it tastes different (but better) than you have had elsewhere, and sometimes its not so great! But, in any event, you DID get your order...  Another analogy...When we want to "lose weight"...we usually focus on "losing fat", and especially the "struggle" of it. So! What do you think we are actually attracting? Yep, the "fat". What we need to focus on is "being fit" or "being healthy", or at least the possibility of what we want. We want to attract the positive aspect of what we want, not try to repel what we don't want. This also works with abundance/poverty thinking.  Alcoholism/sobriety...Anything.(see recommended reading list: "Law Of Attraction" and "Attracting The Perfect Customer")

~Start a GRATITUDE journal...or write lists--what makes you happy? Your accomplishments, your dreams, your goals...anything positive! Believe me, once you put it in writing, it sends a message out to the universe. Case in point: Sometime back in 1996, I wrote down 2 lists...my 5 year goals, and "what I would do if I won the lottery". I have fairly simple tastes, so the only "expensive" things were a house and to travel! I  found those lists about 5 1/2 years after I wrote them...and by working for them, most of my "lottery list" was able to be checked off! And I had most of my 5 year goals met, or well on their way! Recently I set an intention that I wanted to be able to "see the extraordinary in the ordinary". In less
than a week's time I received a book written by a client who actually lives in Minnesota...the main premise of the book? Seeing the "extraordinary in the ordinary"! The book is titled, "Jordan's Near Side" by Frank Stafford Davis. I had just gotten my newer puppy, Caden, who of course had been a handful doing "puppy things" and I had forgotten that one of the reasons I got him (besides for Angus to have a "little brother"!), was to have "new life" breathed into my home. THAT he did!! Now, every morning I am grateful once again to have the 3 expectant faces of my "kids" to wake up to! So often we think about what we DON'T have, what we haven't accomplished, how we "screwed up", what is "bad" or not working in our lives, what makes us sad, angry, or depressed. This makes us weaker. Actually, we allow people and situations to make us feel a certain way. We always have the choice to change our attitude toward something! Instead, why don't we make a list of everything we have to be grateful for?  The list is endless! If you can't think of anything, then at first go for the obvious...are you breathing? Great! Can you breath on your own without special equipment? If yes, then wonderful! If you need equipment, then at least we live in an age where it is available...can you see the sunshine? Do you enjoy the seasons? Have at least one good friend or family member that you can trust? What makes YOU happy? My list includes everything from hot fudge brownie sundaes, to hiking with my dogs at the park, camping, spending time with the special people in my life, inspiring stories, my career, and the simple beauty of nature. LOTS of stuff!

~DON'T COMPARE
Often, we compare our lives to someone else who may seem to "have it all" or at least "have it better" (greener grass syndrome). Not only is this a waste of the gift that is our life but, looks can be awfully deceiving! Comparing and putting ourselves as "superior" is just as negative. This is only a sense of vanity..."empty and worthless"; we all have something of value to offer. Someone who seems to have it all may also feel that they have quite a bit missing. Or, maybe it looks like they have love, money, friends, and success on the outside, and behind closed doors they are abused (or abusive), are filing for bankruptcy or just making ends meet, (OR are successful at work, but at the expense of never seeing their family or having any
time off), or maybe they have only acquaintances and no "true" friends. Money does not equal happiness. It is true that you can do a whole lot of great stuff, and CAN be happy and have money, but money alone is not happiness. A great example that I have is a friend of mine that at times I was envious of various aspects of her life. I really thought she "had it all"...it seemed she had many things that I did not have. Then one day we were talking and we both realized, that while there were aspects of our own lives that we truly valued, we each thought the other had something we lacked. Funny thing was, it was a mirror image of each other! (i.e. she has more stability; I have more freedom, etc.) As we spoke, we realized that neither one of us was "lacking", we just "are". And to be unhappy for NOT having something, is truly a waste of that which we DO HAVE. Happiness and Joy doesn't come "only when...we win the lottery, get married, get divorced, lose/gain weight, buy the 'right house', become successful..."
Our "problems" don't leave us then either...and if they do, you can be sure a whole new set will appear if we did not make the intention to be happy FIRST...

~LOVE / ACCEPT YOURSELF
And others...No one is perfect! how boring would that be!! Basically, how can you love and accept someone else if you don't give yourself that freedom? We need to love, honor, and accept ourselves in order to move forward in life.  What does that look like for you? What do you do for YOU?
(This isn't the same as being "selfish". Big difference! This is a healthy way of taking care of yourself. When you do that, you have MORE to offer others, not less.) (See Live For Yourself )

~Create a Life Grid".
It can look like a tic-tac-toe board, or a pie chart or whatever works for you. If you have "9 boxes" in the Grid...you list various components that make up "Your Life". So often we focus on only 1 or 2 areas, usually relationship or career or family responsibilities. If that is ALL that you have in your life, what do you have if one of those "goes away"? (See "Live For Yourself")
If you only live for your relationship, to the exclusion of everything else in our life (or close to it) what will you have if that person leaves? (It is SUCH a stress on the other person when one person makes them "their whole life" or "responsible for their happiness". YOU are responsible for your own Happiness, and your life. You can be happy being with someone or doing something or living somewhere...but it shouldn't be your only source of joy. Also, what if that person dies? It's difficult enough to deal with that when you have a full life... So, make your Grid. Be AWARE of what you are filling it with, and where you need to balance it. Some things can never be taken away from you, like Spirituality and Solitude. Though, you may need to make an extra effort to have more solitude. And by spirituality" I don't mean "religion"...that would be another box. Family, Friends, Hobbies, Career, Volunteer work, a Special Cause, Relationship, Physical Activity, Education...Anything. Once you fill out your grid, be sure to keep it balanced. Within each box, you may also want to place various ideas or goals for each component.

~LIVE FOR YOURSELF
In other words, Be True To Yourself. It does not mean "be selfish" or don't take other's feelings into consideration. But first and foremost you need to be true to yourself, then you WILL have more to give others in all aspects of your life. If you have ever stayed in any situation-relationship, friendship, job--long after you knew it was time to leave, but you were afraid of hurting someone else...and in doing so you were hurting yourself. This in turn, eventually, hurts those around us. We tend to get resentful, or have feelings of discontent. I truly believe we all meet at the right times in our lives. We each have a purpose in each other's lives, especially to those we feel "connected" to. There is something that goes around on the internet about people in our lives for a "reason, a season, or a lifetime"...But we can only be responsible for our own lives, our own happiness. It is unfair of us to insist or expect someone else to "make us happy", and it is unfair for that to be asked of us. It is not possible. It is extremely stressful. And the "giver" may never live up to the "receiver's" expectations. (I have been on both sides of this. When I was younger, I had the expectations, then I had them thrust onto me. But I feel I needed to experience that from both sides to fully understand it, and to appreciate each person in my life "as they are". (Remember, "When you stay in a relationship out of obligation, you are a slave, and it lacks dignity".) These expectations may at best be unfulfilling, and at worst be detrimental to our well-being (physical OR emotional). Perhaps it is a love relationship that causes this, but it could also be from a friendship or your family. Maybe you are expected to have a certain
career, a certain religion, marry a certain type of person, stay in a certain "social status"...when all you want is to be...(ahem) loved, honored, and accepted for being who you are. We need to give ourselves and others that which we need to receive. I am very lucky. While my family wasn't always very "encouraging" with starting something new or following dreams, they are a pretty accepting bunch. And in recent years, have become quite a bit more encouraging, as well! I'm usually the one that is doing something "different" and even if it s not something they would do, they don't try to stop me. And if they did, I am obstinate enough not to listen! If they were to say that something isn t possible, I would do it anyway just to prove to MYSELF that It could be done. On a lighter note, they may tease me for not eating meat, telling me I just eat "rabbit food" or whatever, but they never try to force me or trick me into eating it, etc. We didn't have a lot of "freedoms" growing up (I had more, being the youngest of a large family!) but we did have the freedom to choose our career, our religion (if any), and pretty much anything else. I have always been grateful for that...

~CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE
Simply put, we make choices all day, everyday. We choose to be happy/sad, powerful/weak, patient/impatient etc. When you wake up, try to get into the habit of choosing a more constructive and productive mindset. We are physically and mentally stronger when we have a positive outlook. I have my student's do a form of "muscle testing", and when we lie, think negative thoughts, put ourselves down...we become weaker. When we tell the truth, think positively, or bring ourselves up, we are stronger. We "Create Our Reality !

~PHYSICAL ACTIVITY and NUTRITION
Please note, I didn't use the words "diet and exercise". Throw those words out, because they only give negative images of starvation/deprivation and horrible, outdated grade school calisthenics! Remember being a kid and loving to "Play"? Did you ever enjoy playing any sports? I LOVED volleyball and soccer. I was horrible at it (I thought) but I loved it. I actually ended up getting my first and only trophy, from volleyball in 6th grade! And our team even won 1 out of 3 games with the JUNIOR HIGH students!! (WooHoo!) However, I would usually only play if we "had" to, because I thought I was so bad... How about games like tag, or racing for fun, or hide-n-seek (and for the "older and cooler kids", it was "manhunt")...WHATEVER! Watch your kids, dogs, or cats! To them, exercise is just play. My pets won't even move to go potty unless they stretch first, even if they have to go really bad! There is an activity out there that you enjoy. There are so many things to choose from. Team or individually oriented. Classes or videos. Indoors or outdoors. I have always enjoyed physical activity. Sometimes I get so busy I forget, or just don't make the time. Or I simply get unmotivated. But I feel so much better if I at least walk my dogs for 30 minutes everyday. And if I stretch, even better. I only feel like I am getting "older" when I don't stretch. Actually, I am in better shape now than I was as a teenager! Find something FUN! Rock climbing, belly dancing, martial arts, swimming, bike riding, join a team, modern dance, weights, yoga or pilates, hiking, gardening...and, while maybe its not always "fun", but even heavy housework counts! Just remember to include strength, flexibility and cardio for a well-rounded program.

Nutrition--again, "balance" is the key.
This whole "low carb" thing is really driving me crazy. Your body needs all three major nutrients...Protein, Dietary Fat and Carbohydrates. Each person's body is a little different in the ratio it needs in those nutrients. The problem arises with the choices we make from each category on a regular basis. (We can "live" on bread alone. However, there isn't a lot of nutrients, vitamins and minerals there, so the quality of health wouldn't be that great.) Have your treats, but notice how often you "treat yourself". (Sugar is my one "bad" habit!) Makes the treats something really special, rather than eating too much of it mindlessly. HAVE your dessert sometimes, HAVE that fried food sometimes. Have your bread sometimes too...but realize that white flour acts like sugar in your system. Learn to eat more fruits and vegetables. Also include WHOLE grains (that haven't had the nutrients bleached off of them). Adequate protein. Be mindful of how much yeast you consume, this makes a HUGE difference for me when I follow it!  I don't care what anyone says, when you want a cookie--you want a "cookie"...no stinkin'' celery stick is going to cut it! So allow yourself that. Eat higher quality "treats". They cost more and are more flavorful, so you don't need as much. Notice if you are eating because you are hungry, if you really "want that", or is it mindless or emotional eating? Start your day off with a big glass of water. For me, this ensures that I will at least have that if I forget, and I am usually more likely to remember to drink water the rest of the day when do that! If you don't drink water now, start off with 1- 2 glasses a day, so your body gets used to being hydrated again. Otherwise, you WILL be running to the restroom all day!

~AWARENESS AND BALANCE
See article on "Balance"
Awareness...for now, I will just say to be aware of the choices that you make. Even not deciding something, you are making a "passive choice". Then, as Caroline Myss says, "why do you make the choices you make?" You cannot really grow until you become aware of your choices, patterns, even "posture"'. If you don't know there is a "problem", you can t fix it...
So, notice and be aware of various components of your life, acknowledge them, and then make the choices that that are for your "highest good".

~Get a TATTOO!
Only if you really want one!

If you have been considering it--my recommendation is to get something that has special meaning for you, and accents the body part that you place it on. Give it a lot of thought. Go to a talented tattoo artist, and if possible get something totally custom designed. (This is not something to be "cheap" about!) If you want or need to, you can always place it on an area that the world will never see! The ones people usually regret are those they either got while drunk, put no thought into, went cheap, lousy artwork, or didn't think too much about the body part they chose and the "consequences" of that---trying to hide it in certain professional orsocial situations. "Does it hurt"? That depends on the area you choose
and your pain threshold!"What happens when you are 80 and your skin is wrinkly?" Well, if your skin is going to look "bad",then its going to look "bad" regardless of whether or not you have a picture on it...and honestly! How many of us would really be entering high profile beauty pageants on the senior citizen level?

Again, only do it if it's something you want, and choose wisely. OR, get a temporary one!

~Have a Professional Portrait taken. <See photos>
It feels really great having someone dote over the lighting that is going to suit YOU best, and being posed and then just seeing the final photo! It's really cool! And ladies,(fellas too, if you want!) you may even opt to have your hair and makeup done professionally before hand. Something else that you can look into is "Goddess Portraits". This goes even a step beyond and really brings out and inner strength and beauty from you onto the portrait. I had this done by Gary Collings. It was so fun, and just a wonderful experience all the way around! Please see my "links"
site for information on Gary. Another option is to have the portrait painted. A friend surprised me one year with a color painting of a black and white photograph that I had...it took my breath away!

~Candid Photos.<see photos>
Have a fun, happy photo of you somewhere that you can see it often even if its one from your childhood. If you are in the middle of a big belly laugh, all the better! It is sure to lift your mood, and remind you when you are down that you CAN be happy.

~Have and maintain IDEALS.
This one is totally individual. What are YOUR ideals? What is truly important to you? This also goes with "being true to yourself".


~Connect to a Higher Power.
Spirituality and Religion, once again, are not the same thing. Although, your Religion can GET you to a Spiritual place. I resisted the idea, back when I was 18, that to be healthy you needed to have physical, mental, emotional and ~spiritual~ health. I didn't know there was a difference back then. And I resisted the "structure" of "religion", because I didn't want anyone telling me what to believe in. But I have learned a lot since then. I still don't like being told what to believe, and I don't believe in telling others what is right for them...(which is why I am sure to say that the ideas here are only suggestions.) I have always believed in something greater than what we see, but now I have full faith...that we are connected to something wonderful. Just look around you! Look at all the wonders in nature, and in our own bodies! Feel the connectedness you have for certain people or places. There is just so much! If you truly do not want to believe in a Higher Power (and it doesn't matter, really, if you call that power "God , "Allah", "The Creator" or "Fred"!) You can still look in amazement around you at mother nature...and feel connected to that.

~Don't Fear Death
I m not sure, I may have feared it when I was younger you know that headache you get when you start trying to comprehend the vastness of the universe ? But after what I have studied about it, I really don t fear it now. While I m not at the jumping off point yet, I look at it as going back home, taking a rest and (since I believe in reincarnation) preparing for the next time. I believe we choose what lessons we want to learn (some believe the Higher Power chooses; whichever you prefer)and we pick the parents, geographical location, social status, family, etc.   (I ve heard that de ja vu is actually something that tells you that you are on the right track ), that we have out kindred spirits that come with us in various forms to help us (and us, them) on our journey. Someone could be our Mom in one life, a friend in the next, and an adversary in the next. Our souls are eternal, so this pesky little dying thing is only temporary in the grand scheme of things. (Please don t get me wrong. I know the pain of losing loved ones, human as well as animal, but what gets me through it is knowing I will be with them again, and that it was part of the necessary path). But for here, I am talking more about our own death. Another aspect, for me, is if it is something you absolutely cannot control, and death certainly fits the bill, then it is important to surrender to the idea. No amount of worry is going to matter, right? If you have your belief in a higher power, it makes this thought process much easier. However, I also know people who have faith who are still scared. All I can say is don t be scared. But it would be up to you to
find a way to make that happen. This is a big one, so aside from recommending certain books, this is one that you will need to figure out what is best for you. Please see I m not here , and Just One Moment
under the quotes section).

~Get rid of guilt, shame, doubt, blame, resentment...all useless things that weaken us that we give our power over to! What good comes from any of that? None for us, and none for the other person...

~Forgiveness
First, forgiveness is not to condone what someone has "done to you", and it is not "for the other person". It is for you, to release the hold that the event has on you. By holding a grudge, you are not harming the other person nearly as much as you are harming yourself. A great book is Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life". This helped me to realize that each person does the best they can with what "they" know. Our parents can only go by how they were raised, and hey! Parents are human! They make mistakes. But I know my parents are much better than their parents were. And I am very happy that I released the "bad stuff" before my Dad died. Now I have only fondness in my heart. Sometimes I still wonder "why", but then I remember, that everything happens as it is supposed to. And each event in my life brought me to where I am. I have had my fair share of "unpleasant" events, and what gets me through now is knowing that there was a "reason" for each event, and that yes, I HAVE grown stronger from each one. A common saying is that we
"would not recognize the good if we didn t have the "bad" to compare to..." Maybe this all sounds like "Pollyanna", but I feel much happier this way than to blame others, or the universe, for why my life isn't always wonderfully blissful. And remember, for all the "wrong-doings" that have been placed onto you, chances are there are people out there that YOU have hurt...consciously or not...who may need to forgive you. And maybe, it is you yourself that you need to forgive.

~EXPRESS YOURSELF
Whether it is creatively through art, dance, writing, music, etc. (So much can come to the surface when we allow ourselves to be creative and play. It s a great stress reliever too!) There are various places that even offer "art therapy", "music therapy" etc! OR if there is something you really need to say to someone. (This is not always easy! It's actually one of the toughest exercises for me, and something that is always a process...) My suggestion is to be as constructive as possible and always, always put yourself in the other person's shoes...and be sure what the other person hears is what you intended to say. Sometimes our tone comes off differently than what we are thinking, creating an entirely different meaning. Practice reflective listening with those around you--have them repeat back to you what you said to be sure your message was clear, and you could do the same for them. This helps to avoid huge communication problems!  And as long as you express yourself in a positive, constructive way, you feel so much lighter. I also recommend making sure your head is clear before you begin to talk. We tend to say things that we don't mean or can't take back in the middle of intense emotions.

~Creative Life Writing
Check out www.walkwithwomen.com  This is a great group of women (they also have groups for men) to facilitate healing from your own life stories . You are given prompts of subjects to write about, in short time frames. It helps you to see your life more clearly, and helps you to release past hurts. Everyone in the groups are there to share compassion and understanding, along with their own stories.

~Explore other cultures and religions.
No, I am not saying you need to drop all that you believe in and convert to another way of life. But it is very liberating to simply even take a peek into other cultures and religions. As I mentioned earlier, I am very grateful that I was always allowed this freedom. Many are not. I have found that by learning about other traditions, I am able to integrate them into my own belief system.  There is a phrase that seems suitable to mention here: Ignorance breeds fear, fear breeds hatred, hatred breeds violence . I have found that when we at least open to understanding each other, peace and harmony are soon to follow. It can be on a global level with these subjects, or in our most intimate relationships with why we make the choices we do

~Make conscious choices.
I have found that if we don t make choices ourselves, the universe has a way of doing it for us losing a job we knew we were meant to leave, a bad fallout in a friendship or relationship that we knew we needed to have that conversation , needing a new car immediately when we knew it was coming now your stranded on the highway etc. This happens on all levels. By NOT making a choice, you are still making a choice. It is so much better when we make our decisions based on our intuition, rather than our fears. And again, if we are too afraid to make ANY decision it WILL be made for us in some form or another! Often it will be exaggerated so we will get the point. (Or, in many cases, so we will have something more to complain about!)


Seeing others who are in need, and knowing you really can make a difference is a wonderful way to feel good about yourself. And the opportunities are endless. I would suggest doing something that you truly enjoy so it is a double source of good feelings. If you love to read, you could read to the blind, or to children at the hospital. If you love animals, you could volunteer at the local animal shelter, or walk
your elderly neighbor's dog. Of course there are also soup kitchens, and helping underprivileged children, women's shelters, Big Sister/Big Brother etc. Can you fix cars? Or cut hair, or massage, or maybe you are a doctor... all of which could donate a few hours a month to people who couldn't otherwise afford
your service. The joy that you give will come back to you tenfold...

~Honor others by showing compassion and respect.
Keep in mind that no one is a jerk for no reason you don t know if that person is going through a tough time or still dealing with certain issues, or whatever. It can be tough, but killin' them with kindness really can go a long way in many situations. One of my teachers also put it this way: We are ladies and gentlemen, serving ladies and gentlemen. Anyone who has taken a yoga class has probably heard the expression Namaste , which I have heard translated several ways, but mainly the spirit in me honors the spirit in you . Still having a tough time with being nice to a jerk? Especially if that jerk is someone you have to deal with everyday ?Well have YOU ever been the jerk? I say this half kiddingly, but we have all lost our temperat one time or another, and sometimes it s at some poor guy who really didn t deserve it but pushed that last button! Or have you had so much on your mind that you were just rude, off-handed, said something that didn t come out right, late for an appointment, pulled out in front of someone before you realized there was NO ONE behind them? I would LOVE to think that I m perfect, but I know I certainly am not! It is easy to judge others, and easier still to forget that we are
also going to be judged so a little respect, compassion, respect and leniency can really go a long way!